The dream of a struggling Boholana

Perhaps I have a high tolerance for pain. Keep yourself alive.

You have the power to do anything.

The grown-up Christmas Wish

This is my wish for the next 20 years for our youths who have dreams and families who want to survive together. If I am lucky, I will still be alive and witness a significant change. Let there be less or possible no Boholano to work far or abroad.

A home. A safe and happy home is basic. We have the power to build a safe and liveable place. Sorry but I am not giving up. Boholanos abroad, you have done enough. Let them come home to their families. It is suicidal out there. I have done it. It is awful. Is it so impossible for us to thrive together? Our beautiful island is a blessing. Our families and loved ones give us hope. Let us unite and love each other.

From Europe with Love

” The ten years rule in psychology. One should work years to achieve a state of mastery and success. There is no shortcut in life. The most challenging 10 years of promise and self-experimental task I put to myself. The dream that almost killed me quite a few times. Miles away from home. One of the major things I struggle with. “

2009 is the year I chose to cross the borders of Europe. I was 22 years old girl with a lot of dreams. I can still remember the day I was stocked in Hongkong Airport. I never felt so small in my entire life, it left a mark in my entire system. The flight attendant held my access to the next connecting flight. I was being questioned about my papers and intentions of going to Europe. If they let me in, I might become a threat and never come back to my home country. Who knows? Honesty and trust are always an issue.

I looked at the very cautious flight attendant, the clock was ticking. I was early but I was waiting already for more than an hour. I wanted to cry while I was being interrogated. Either I will be stocked here and will be sent home or for some miracle, they will allow me to access my future. I heard they are very wealthy in Europe. If being ambitious is a crime, then I am guilty. ” I needed the freedom to challenge myself fairly and grow as a healthy honest individual. I am so tired of feeling anxious all my life. I just want to feel safe. “

BTW, I want to come to Europe. I mean I will go anywhere just to find answers to all of my questions. There is no future in my country. The system is corrupt, the faithful are sinners, families, and neighbors are angry at each other. I am being tortured every single day of my life. I am afraid I will lose my focus and sense of dignity surrounded all of the dramas. I cannot breathe, I am drowning. I want a way out. 

The flight crews didn’t know me at all, I showed up at that boader control as an alien and they were skeptical. Do I look like a criminal? No one really knows but me. Maybe I will be a criminal if I will be denied. I started feeling negative towards myself. I am nervous from head to toe. Sweating all the stress out of me. All I want is one good chance. I am faithful. Damn! I prayed so hard that moment, if I will make it out there, I will do more good things. Like an asylum-seeking a desperate refuge away from all the mess around me. Desperation is my only hope. I could have been killed while fighting. But I will at least try. 

I feel shame at myself for begging. What is my worth as a person? It’s like life and death. I don’t know how long I can keep myself together any longer. While nervously waiting, I thought about my family back home, they are broken-hearted and clueless. Both my parents begged me to come home instead. My younger sibling had no idea what was going on. 

The rest is history. Your history is important.

Reality vs. Reality

When I arrived in Europe, it was just cold, gloomy and sad. All of a sudden, I realized I was alone, so far away. I wanted to go home to my parents after three months but I couldn’t afford a flight ticket back. That moment I felt so sorry to myself, it was difficult to comprehend the facts and consequences. I was dealing with so many things in my head. I just wanted to freeze and die. I didn’t know the language, I was frustrated. Learning was difficult. Language and cultural barriers are very difficult to crack. It is not easy to understand things that you don’t have an idea in the first place.

I have a bachelor’s degree that was considered nothing. I wanted just to burn all my papers and then from zero. It doesn’t matter. No matter how bad I felt, I had to make it work. I could have stayed at my job at a small design firm in Manila or could work anything in Bohol as long as it is not self-degrading and illegal. 

My childhood dream is to work as a music/art teacher but that seemed so impossible at that time. I have no medium to create an art form. I am lost and out of tone, every time I sang a melody. I was mentally block, my creativity won’t even flow out of my being. I felt so hopeless trying to configure what is rational and artistic. All the stress just confuse me, when I am supposed to do great things.

Trying hard nako since I was a little girl but all I got in return are nonsense criticism. At the age of 20, I became a breadwinner. I took big responsibilities than I am cable of. It was like a battle. I was a young lady with a lot of positive outlook in life. At the same time, I acted like a father with a good sense of authority and a mother with a good heart and care for the family. 

I wanted a better life but the question is how? My boss doesn’t even know who I am. Will I stay in the same job for the next 5 years? No matter how much I visualized in my brain, I will become a successful one. Probably save and able to afford to buy a place, send my sibling to school, etc. Basic addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division. I always got the number zero, as a result, every time I calculated my worth vs. my compensation. 

My sense of survival was threatened. Makasapot, maka wla ug gana. Like everyone else I felt like giving up and wish myself I won’t wake up the next day to do the same shit again. It is not good to sleep and wake up with pain every single day.

From Struggle and more Struggle

People used to laugh at me every time I talk about my elusive dreams for my future. 

You are just a girl. Yes, but I am a dreamer. Dreams are free.

For at least 30 years of my existence (since birth) I was considered as the black sheep of the family. Strange because I did not commit a crime that could hurt others. Never been convicted as a criminal. I am often misunderstood. Yes definitely!

Rebelde nako ever since but in a good way. I never bowed and listened to people whom I think are wrong. Will you just cry and give up when you are told stupid and useless? When the truth behind others’ meaningless comprehension about you is that you are worth all the good things and opportunities in the world. 

I never fit and I felt that my existence was like an abomination. People would say words to let me down. I am sincere but always end up manipulated because I am just a nobody. I came from a poor struggling family. My parents and grandparents were like slaves to people who acted so smart but empty in the brain, heart, and soul. I am empathetic but I had to learn to let go of people who are so self-destructive and mean. 

Be careful of your words, it can kill a person. The ones who are strong enough to comprehend will gain have the ability to fight back. An empty mind utters empty words. A person who is in pain will always talk and acts angry. 

Can you feel the trauma from a broken hearted child?

I was raised by a foul mouth mother with an unbearable personality disorder. She loves me, she loves me not. I always started my day with anger and threats. I wonder she is up to? Should I just break and cry? She loves pushing me to the maximum, which is good. But I have to twist my comprehension ability to understand the hidden meaning of her love and care. I couldn’t become smarter without her. 

I had a loving father but he was so stressed his entire life. I miss when he cooks me breakfast before I starts my day. He is timid, didn’t talk so much. He ended up self-medicating the last three years of his life.

Trust is very hard to accomplish. I will always love both of them through happiness and pain. I was their first love. That is constant. Truth hurts. Does it? Pain creeps towards you even when you are dreaming. 

I grow up fighting back against all the criticism bombarded in me at an early age. Wlay “tulfoinaction” when I was growing up so it is like do or give up, fight or die to survive. Growing up in an abusive environment is challenging. Ma trauma ka when people cause you pain. As compensation heavens showered me with enough good opportunities, it is was really up to me to choose anyway.

I am like an apple tree in the vast mango plantation. I was the one who started a piggery when all the neighbors did a sari-sari store business. I did the lowest and dirty job while everybody was enjoying the comfort of having an easy life. 

At the end, who doesn’t like to eat an apple or a delicious Lechon for a feast? 

Love your uniqueness, you are one of a kind. Be creative. Don’t be afraid to take a risk and be out of place. During your lonely and lowest point in life. You might shine and succeed. 

The power of Good Karma

Good karma, it exists. Bad karma will hunt the one who have done wrong.

The pretentious man who insulted and bullied my father lost his fortune and family. He used to sit in front of the priest every Sunday’s mass wearing his thick gold neckless. One time he donated a good amount of money in our chapel but was working as a corrupt authority in the customs office. 

The neighbor who was serving as a Lay Minister is still there. Have manage to do the same thing! One poor soul who thrives with his double morality. I wonder what happened to his adopted daughter he molested and occasionally rape. The neighbors talked about it, but they never really did anything. As if he was just forgiven and got away with his sins. 

Life is full of controversies it exists in your own family and barangay. We sometimes pretend to be happy when we are not. We tend to show up to our work even when we are tired or not in the mood. We have Facebook profiles that we look so confident and successful.  

It is one messy life and a challenging world to live in. My only fear when I was younger is to become a person whom I am not supposed to be. A negative and angry person then my hard work will be useless. I have struggled with temperament and anger issues for many years. I always try hard to normalize my emotions. Focus on things that can make me feel positive. 

You cannot compare your personality to others. No one is stupid, everyone is entitled with talents and skills. You have to figure out what you’re good at. Do something kanang feel nimo tapos naa kay future. Even your struggles are yours to take. It is your responsibility to fix it. Be consistent and do smart choices even though you are constantly bothered with negativities. 

Focus and productivity are difficult to put in actions. 

What is my dream anyway?

So after 10 years, I am still trying to learn myself to relax. The future holds a wide great view. I am excited. To the province, I love. I always tell people I know here in Europe that I was born and raised in a beautiful place. It is a paradise. 

What I learned in Europe is the term Quality. Quality of life, services, and products. Quality cannot be achieved overnight. It requires good labor and time. 

When you visit the Eiffel Tower in Paris, France, one can see the very detail and structure composing the iconic building. People have built it with love and pride. When you reach “the sommet” it is quite scary. You are on top and viewing the shimmering city of lights. It is a view of a lifetime.

You cannot build a home without a sturdy land. All I wish every single day of my life is to spend more time under the sun, stare at the nice view and breath. 

I have traveled and seen the word. We have good resources. We hold a good future. We have positive and hard-working people. So why do we have to enslave ourselves to our fears? Fear of actually achieving something good?

Don’t ever give up mga Boholanos because I haven’t given up on you yet. 

Let us see each other more often.

 

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Happy Father’s Day 2019

 

 

What does it takes to be a good man and be a good father?

 

He was 23 undergraduate and jobless when I was born. He named me “Ann” para daw sosyalan akong pangalan (name). I grew up observing him, always looking after me. His genuine desire to be there for me no matter what. For him, I was his precious little girl and the most important person in his life.

He taught me how to build and flew my first kite. It was made of a white plastic bag, broomsticks, and sewing thread. He had to be creative since he couldn’t afford to buy a Barbie doll for me anyway. While we were flying my own built kite, I looked at his face and gushed, “I am maybe a tiny little girl, but I will never fail you, Papa.” We will make this through “together,” no matter what it takes.” The kite was soaring up and freely, high above the sky.  It was like an Aha! moment for me. My dear father, my first inspiration. I couldn’t imagine myself failing him despite all his sacrifices and hard work for me.

They say love is hard, love is indeed hard. Imagine, how big and serious responsibility it is for a man to raise a child and be the primary source of strength and hope for his family. You all think it is simple! You all conclude that men are just difficult, yes they are difficult! They are having difficulty explaining for themselves. You are all blinded because you all never dig into the reality and complexity that men they are having are a hard time too. You can all laugh silly because you all think he has not done enough.

A man has feelings, often gets tired, gets confused, get scared, gets sick, and the worst lost his way. You all only see his flaws and stigmatize when he gets emotional. Instead of showing help and understanding, we often put more negative input to the one who is actually trying. When you’re a decent man, you’re unpopular. Unworthy men even gets the price and recognition.

Men are humans, not robots. A man thrives in the form of personal security and self-confidence and when he can execute smart choices for the sake of his family.

Like everyone else, he needs love and support from his family and sincere good friends. It is that hard to make a man happy. Dumb wives and lovers will never understand it!

 

Without those basic things, a man is nothing — a man in a no man’s world.

It is a man’s world. It’s still a man’s world, and it is tough. Men under pressure by societies endless expectations.

 

To my one and only father who first told me I was smart. To the person who raised me from scratch.

He who believed that someday I would grow older and will make smart choices of my own.

I may be a difficult child in my unique way. It is because you learned me from the start, I can be somebody.

It is still so hard, Papa, to think smart and do good deeds at the same time. I wish it were that simple.

Smart choices are always hard. Sometimes it breaks your heart. How can anyone still be smart and be brave when it comes to lost?

But my promise is still a promise. I will never fail, even if it takes me a lifetime to do so. I’ll strive hard to make a difference.

Even if the earth collides with the moon. You know, I’ll do the mission impossible for you.

 

I miss you, and I love you with all my heart.

 

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!

 

Your daughter,
Ann (Ann-e)
*the girl who was raised like a boy by her father

 

OFW Problems

“It is health that is real wealth. And not pieces of gold and silver.”

-Ghandi

OFW (Overseas Filipino Worker/Pilipino sa Ibayong-dagat

“Once you are born poor, you’ll always feel poor. Otherwise, you have forgotten who you are.”

I was born and raised in a small barangay in Tagbilaran City, Bohol. Life then was relaxed and seemed so simple. As a girl, I was always the positive type who had dreams, and my first inspiration was my parents, whom I love so much. I was often told it is crucial to finish your education. Perhaps you can work abroad. Overseas was the goal, everybody’s goal. I grew up observing several relatives of mine and neighbors enjoying quite better life conditions compare to regular Filipinos who stayed, work, and live in the Philippines.

If you want to build an extravagant house, buy a car, and support your family, all you have to do is work abroad. Everybody says, “You can always do and achieve better overseas.” It also means that investing your time and effort doesn’t even count at all, here in our own country. It sad but I always look back to the version of me before all of this shining achievements. There will always be that part of me that stays and feels the same. The girl who had dreams and had so much passion for everything.

I was 22 when I had my first international flight. I was given one time opportunity to come to Europe. After I finished my bachelor’s degree and worked for some time in a design company, I told myself this is not gonna work for me. Pilipinas, I am so sorry, but I had so many high hopes since I was a little girl, but I cannot keep a job with a minimum salary working 8.00-17.00 daily. I just knew that my dad got “diabetes” and how will this go for my other young siblings and me? I cannot afford to send him for treatment. My parents both work still it was tough. I am not sure about myself being smart, or will I make it out there at all? I was dealing with so several negative feelings at the same time, it was difficult to describe. I am the only hope of my family, I cannot face them crying and confuse. I would lie and tell them I am brave if I could.  

I will never forget that day, I stood in Hongkong Airport waiting if the damn flight personnel will let me board my plane. I had the passport and the right visa. I wasn’t trying to do illegal. I felt pity at myself, I felt so small. The desperate me begging for a little chance. I swear to the heavens above, I will do whatever it takes. I already sold the bed I bought. Now I am standing in line waiting for a Go signal. I felt so scared, but I have to live. I have nothing to lose. The small Asian girl who came from the unknown small town trying to enter the big fancy continent of Europe. 

It is a simple thought that many of us have to accept that you have to work far like “nomads” no fix home and address. We always wish to survive, and if there is no source of income at home, then you find it anywhere else.

First, we educate ourselves and later on choose a job that could hopefully fill up our basic needs. In the Philippines, like many people, experienced it. No work is easy to find. No salary is enough to pay and support your needs. You are in debts already before you even receive your first paycheck. In addition, your family is your responsibility.

You spend endless nights being threatened and worried. How can you survive for the next 6 months without enough means (money) to support yourself and family. People think about money, only a lot of money. How about passion and interest?

Money can only buy “Convenience.” “Convenience” is a form of achievement which comes from hard work. Having it convenient is good. It’s confusing to know what really matters the most.

If you are a man, you’d be most likely become an engineer or a seaman. When you are a woman, you’ll study caregiving course or nursing travel and move to Canada or the USA. It seems like society expects one should leave the country.

Life is full of terror. Terror, Terrorist, Terrorista!

This is Ann (Ann-e) coming home year 2017 after almost a decade, fantastic and fiercely exhausting years of being away.

This is like “Fifty Shades of Grey” just with a twist that Ann-a (Anastasia Steele) come to a realization “I’d kinda like it rough.” Despite the Abu Sayaff terror threats, I decided to fly home according to plan. I just completely lost my sense of fear. What actually bothered me that time, is that how will I survive as a person for the next two-three months. I still have plans and responsibilities.

I achieved most of my goals for my family. My brothers already finished their education and got jobs. My mother got a permanent teaching job at the local elementary school. I got married and recently gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. I almost had it all and done it right as best as I possibly could.

My dad passed away just like that, and now everything is a mess.

Oh my, I realized I kinda missed a lot. I have been away consistently. I forgot how it feels to feel at home. I was only able to sleep 4-5 hrs daily. I am catching naps during the day, so I won’t collapse. I am always tired, irritated, I hated my own schedule. I consumed 3-4 cups of black coffee already at 9.00 in the morning. I felt like everybody is putting so much pressure on me and more and more things for me to do and fix.

I was burned out! Great! I was so excited about these terror threats. I booked my plane ticket and hotel one night I was still awake around 1.30 in the morning. I needed another strong feeling aside from feeling so anxious.

“The problem is that I couldn’t grieve the exact time and the exact place.” Thinking about my father, who died about four months ago, was hard. I didn’t fly home when he was sick, I never held his hands and said goodbye to him. This is it! This is where and when I mean, I can’t take it anymore!

It was like when I was a little girl. Everybody expected me to sing and dance and put a great show. People only expect the best performance, but the audience failed to see the real person behind the curtain. The person who wants to entertain everybody but was always anxious, nervous, and alone. I should be celebrating when I know in the back of my head. I have made it through, ten years of rough and challenging years of being away. Those times I’ve been wild and unstoppable. I always expect that I can win anything with flying colors, every single negative/positive challenges in my life. I was patient, rigid, and so psyched to conquer it all. I am still am, but now actually feeling so tired! I don’t like it when I can’t do and give my best.

“If it happened that I was Snow White, without resist, take the apple with poison from the Evil Queen. Then I will sleep freely for a thousand year.”

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ROTC

YES to reviving mandatory ROTC Training

To all youth of our beloved motherland Philippines

Love your Country next to God, your honour, and most of all yourself. – Andrés Bonifacio y de Castro (30 November 1863 – 10 May 1897

The mandatory Reserve Officers Training Corps (ROTC) was abolished back in 2001. By 2005 when I reached college, ROTC training was no longer compulsory for students. I am proud and no regrets that once, when I was young, I enlisted myself for the Basic Midshipman Officer Candidate Course (BMOCS) program. An essential component of the National Service Training (NSTP).It was the right choice of a lifetime. Indeed, one of the best experience and training I ever had. I couldn’t imagine myself if I did not honor such tremendous and essential opportunity. I wanted to do something challenging. I didn’t like the idea of me becoming the typical and predictable girl like everyone saw in me. Sometimes in life, you have to make uncomfortable choices. Try something new outside of your comfort zone. In the end, you will always be define by your good deeds and rational decisions in life. When your young and haven’t really accomplished anything. Making the right decisions can be so tricky. What is really smart or dumb thing to do? What stuffs that actually wastes your time and effort? Personally, you have to know what is best for yourself. Trust your personal instincts.

Importance of ROTC Training

  • Learning basic survival skills

In your hard and challenging life, it is vital to learn awareness, protection, tactical, and survival skills for both young males and females. Our society is somehow dependent on smart and robust male leaders. Well trained men ready for combat in case of civil war or national threats. Imagine a country without brave and smart men to protect the people.

Females, on the other hand can still fit on this but can find it challenging to engage in such rigid and hard training. Female physic and presence are expected to act gracefully as compensation to the male alpha. This kind of expectation limits female’s ability and opportunity to self-growth. But is doable. Hell yeah! It was fun.

It was then so provocative to think and do outside the box. When I first showed up during our first formation. All eyes were at me. As if I was not fit enough to even try.

  • Take a realistic challenge

I told myself, why only focus and follow the easy path? The way that everybody recommends you to do. It is because they believe that it is safe and comfortable. So why everyone still says, “Take Care.” It is because every endeavor you do in life, you have to keep yourself safe. Basically speaking, “Don’t Die.”

It is helpfull to think critical. Why shouldn’t one be exposed to real-life situations and struggles? Life is naturally not fair. Experience is still the best teacher. So why not follow the rocky road to life’s practical way of learning and experience?

  • Exposure and Experience

If your feeling so insecure that is normal. To feel and act over confident isn’t good either. No exposure means no experience. Doing something you haven’t done before can be always hard. Your young minds must learn to understand and train to survive horrible circumstances such as threats, national disasters, and invasions.

It is easy to be optimistic and be passive to some things that aren’t happening yet. Emergencies are unpredictable. It is never enough only to acquire knowledge and call yourself intelligent with the absence of exposure.

Example:

Our brain can respond quickly to threats with the help of “threats stimuli”. When you’re in the formation and drills, you will be told to stay focus and input, and be able to respond to incoming threats quickly. Drills and practices are short of prefabricated war feeling. You’ll be stimulated in a way that your adrenaline levels gets high to prepare your body for action.

This is a good training to be familiar and respond quickly in times of stress and vigorous actions. You body and mind prepares to avoid acute damage. Brain signals you naturally have in yourself must be pre activated. It’s like taking a vaccination to protect yourself for future sickness. So why not activate your critical survival skills now than later. Further, you’ll gain self-empowerment after every practice. Next time or in real situations you’ll know what to do. Much better than being clueless.

  • Be practical, do practical Imagine yourself marching and standing so stiff in a formation during a beautiful Saturday afternoon. When you are young “fun things” are always interesting. Practical chores are seriously dull. It can be so physically and mentally draining to occupy yourself with boring chores.

But what are more essential skills than to be able to conquer risks and terrors?

If you want to live your dreams, you have to keep yourself alive. When you cut yourself, you bleed and feels pain. We even learn “First Aid” to give us confidence and quick response to emergency?

Corruption in ROTC

If society and lawmakers believed that corruption is learned through ROTC training. Remember that corruption or crime is everywhere. It can even learned from your home. Even as a child can be vulnerable and expose to corruption in a form of neglect and abuse. A child corrupted since birth can be really damaging.

So there are many other factors that we need to consider before we can make a conclusion. When you are a teenager you need a proper guidance and skills to gain independence, freedom and possibilities to protect your own self. Not lies and nonsense predictions that life will be easy and always be safe.

To become “corrupt” is a choice. In life you’ll be tested many times to choose between right and wrong. A person or a leader exercise corruption because of his/her wrong perception of power. No one has been born bad or evil. Your environment, upbringing, and twisted mind made you so. To be good and decent is still a personal choice.

Philippines as a changing country.

If we are afraid of change, then probably we have to stop complaining why we still belong to the third world countries.

We cannot make a dead end generalization that military training is inadequate for the country, costly and completely waste of time. How about thinking more futuristic, planning for safety not just for today but to insure ourself security.

It is always your personal decision to exercise honesty, discipline, voluntarism, and nationalism. Military or non military style. But others aren’t that honest.

If you look around why we still need security guards? There is still serious trust issue. In some countries there are not that many securities guards around. Some stores even have self payment counters.

If you are firm to your self and principles, no form of fraud can seduce you.

Your choice, your future

As for the HB 8961 (The proposed Reserve Officers Training Corps Act) should be re-establish as a mandatory basic ROTC program for students enrolled in Grades 11 and 12 (students 16-17 of age).

What is the right age for ROTC training anyway? When you reach 18 years old, you technically and legally think as an adult. You then wonder to yourself, What you want to do with your life? What kind of person do you want to become?

By the time you reach 20-21 years old, you technically finish your degree, struggling to find work and stress about life’s expectations.

By the age of 30, you should be old enough to be independent, secure to your profession, needs and wants in life. To be productive and consistent is hard. It takes approximately 10 hard years to be somebody.

Isn’t it basic and pratical to be finished ROTC training by the time you reach 20 years old?

Bad and impractical choices

It seems like we haven’t really learned anything from generations and generations of being treated harshly poor by locals and foreign invaders. We give in so easily without even executing resistance.

We can wait and live our lives in such a severe shame that our society and country is lacking means of protecting itself. Instead of educating our children and youth how to be smart and brave, we became dangerously overprotective and now limiting the possibilities for us to grow as an independent nation.

Either ROTC becomes mandatory or voluntary, it is crucial for public and private students to be well prepared. One day you might need to protect yourself from harm.

I would say “YES” without a doubt that it is your primary need as a youth to be mentally and physically trained. Be a stable citizen of the Republic of the Philippines.

Personally, I don’t want to grow old or retire in our country that is weak and can be easily threatened.

Mother’s Day

My dearest mother Lynnie

We both know, we had it rough since the beginning
I wish our love and relationship can be like in fairy tale
We will both end up with our happy endings

You often said to me, life is challenging.

I didn’t understand that, until I became a mother myself
As a woman, you nurture a child from conception, birth, onwards
Promise to fight for her/him to survive
Give a life and opportunities better than the one you had.

I wondered years questioning why you always push me hard?
Trained me so I can ” dance and sing” myself out of any hardship and trouble

Be a girl of dreams and compassion

Be smart and brave although things seem so confusing.

Coz you know life is hard and I am vulnerable

You stood as my rock and bamboo through our life’s endless struggle

Guide me through it all

You’re solid and flexible, a good example.

You’ve done it all, gave your best
Still ended up apart from your girl

How come we ended apart?

I wish I could tell.

Now we struggle time and distance
Even find it hard to agree on things

Right now, I look back and comprehend

I wouldn’t survive it all, if you weren’t there.

I wouldn’t be the woman I am right now, without you

I’m stuck with you; you’re stuck with me

We are unbreakable, can’t even find the reason to let go

No means to unlove, no reason not to care.

I will always love you
You will always love me

I am your daughter; you’ll always be my mother
For now and eternity.

Love,

Ann-e

(your wild and invincible daughter)

Litanya for this coming Philippines Election May 13, 2019

Note: Philippine presidential election 2022

Corruption is dangerous to your health and existence

Shock, confuse and hurt. You then realized and find yourself in a place between lost and happiness. Stagnant in a state of emptiness, spinning around in a roller coaster of emotions. Suffocating in every life’s expectations. Further, you lose your sleep, wake up dizzy and find it hard to even start the day.

You end up questioning your faith and existence. How unfortunate life has been? You open your eyes from nightmares but find rescue and meaning from people who are still there. Life is hard but beautiful. You always have the freedom to make the right choice. You have a rational mind and a heart of steel as your most excellent powers. Personal abilities that allows you to foresee, assess and finally understand. Remember that your life is worth saving. Get back on track, fight and win the game of losing yourself. – ang probinsyana –

 

papa

Mr. Rufino 1963 – 2016

 

 

My dearest people in the Philippines who are dumb, corrupt and delusional.

You should all be ashamed of yourself! Together you created an army of shameless emotionless and incredibly double-faced cult and killed an innocent man. A son of a war veteran who fought during World War II. Remember how many lives we already lost and will be losing again and again from this endless emotional battle?

When he died, nobody wants to take the blame. Leaving all his children hurt and sad. I wonder how you all sleep at night knowing deep inside in your system, you are all rotten? You all claim yourself decent, educated and sadly religious. Cheat and hypocrites! You all blame that it is God’s will that he ended in such an inhuman (no compassion and merciless) situation? You all self-destructive imbeciles! You all think this is some kind of a joke? Many innocent people rely on your honesty so we can actually build trust.

You are all by means from heaven to hell sick in mind, heart, and soul. There is no cure for your unhealthy behavior, and you shouldn’t be allowed to thrive. Genetically, you all have bad genes. Corrupt people have low intelligence plus lacking emotional capacity to foresee what is right or wrong. Meaning to say, by religion (belief between good and evil) and by science (theory in knowledge and society) you are all wrong and wicked. You all base your conclusions on your selfish evil perspective about life.

Sorry not sorry, but I don’t see any future in all of this mess. Child molesters and social psychopaths. Evil individuals who can’t stand a fair competition. Sayang sa mga remittance gipalada sa mga OFW tapos wlay padulngan ni tanan. This is hard for the other remaining honest Filipinos nga until now still have hopes and dreams nga atong country molambo. The Philippines, the most beautiful country in the world! Pero unethical country in many ways. I’m sad because I love you.

The worst, you all don’t see the truth yourself. The ability to self-correct or self-criticize ba since we tried back and forth many times to signify things. Mga sungayan mo tanan! Super evil na shock si Satan makig compete mo sa iyang throne. Wla namoy self-respect ug mga naay learning disability, no capacity of understanding the present and future. Dapat in the present time, we are enjoying peace and prosperity unta. Maibog mo sa other countries ngano dato sila? Wealthy countries, they love their own people. Sa ilaha there is sense of “quality of life” Para ba naay continuity sa hard work and sacrifices from this generation to the next. You have been doing it all the wrong way. There is no wealth when there is no peace. Inyong ka dato “fake” kay gikan sa kurakot.

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